Name:Lan quantity squared Type: Earthling - Nonrobot My interests: Music- Classical, Rock, Alternative, Euro/J/C/K pop, playing instruments. Anime and Manga-Peace Maker, DETECTIVE CONAN, Prince of Tennis, Paradise Kiss, etc. etc. Asian Dramas(too many to name). Books- Most classics, Power of One, Da Vinci Code, Harry Potter, LOTR... and of course most arts and sciences... on to college! (note, this is what I was before I became a sophomore at Reed College...)N/A What am I good at? Yes, you would want to know...muahaha: Being hyper, staying up till 4, reading until i have to wear 3 inch thick glasses, drink a lot of water, making my room messy, BUMPING INTO THINGS, losing my keys, good listener when you have troubles(not that you would ever tell me your troubles...maybe...), singing(i think), trying to be a detective but needs more logic in the brain, washing dishes till they are very clean.... etc. etc. (random stuff you can never imagine)
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Interests:Music- Classical, Rock, Alternative, Euro/J/C/K pop, playing instruments. Anime and Manga-Peace Maker, DETECTIVE CONAN, Prince of Tennis, Paradise Kiss, etc. etc. Asian Dramas(too many to name). Books- Most classics, Power of One, Da Vinci Code, Harry Potter, LOTR...
and of course most arts and sciences... on to college! Expertise:Being hyper, staying up till 4, reading until i have to wear 3 inch thick glasses, drink a lot of water, making my room messy, BUMPING INTO THINGS, losing my keys, good listener when you have troubles(not that you would ever tell me your troubles...maybe...), singing(i think), trying to be a detective but needs more logic in the brain, washing dishes till they are very clean.... etc. etc. (random stuff you can never imagine) Occupation:Student
What defines one's worth? Is it possible to gain or lose self-worth? Why, of course it is. After so many rejections, perhaps it's natural to turn bitter, and lose motivation for doing something good. Is it because I am trapped in a bubble that I can't possibly envision what I can do to achieve my dreams, or even attempt to make those dreams seem real to myself? Such hardships ... must one go through them in order to achieve a goal? Yet this process comes easier for some than for others... When someone is being accepted, 10 other people are rejected, yet it's inevitable that things must happen in this way...
I don't want to keep going down this deep hole that I would never be able to get myself out of. Thus I must examine myself thoroughly, and be not afraid of asking myself hard questions. Is that what the journey of life is about? How should I proceed without you, my dear friends, by my side? Perhaps in the end all we can do is constantly learning to live alone. But is there any other way?
Got back to Reed after a pretty relaxing and generally fun winter break. Frozen crystals on the winder and feet of snow in Minnesota adds up to a mixed bag of physical and emotional outpour.
Been thinking about a lot of things: relationship with people, relationship with the world, relationship with ideas. Everything is dumped into a void, and I must try very hard to grasp what is known, what can be known, and what cannot be known. Does that make sense?
Anyhow, currently reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being", and very much enjoying it. I've not read seriously much outside of school assignments for a while now, and I have forgotten how important it can be to realize that there's so much world out there, so many different ideas outside of the realm of ideas tied to "academia"... Hmm, perhaps that's not quite the right way of explaining this, but I guess what I'm trying to say is I should seriously remember that books are good. Yup yup.
I've been thinking about changing my major... Biology is quite fascinating, but I really can't picture it as the love of my life for all my years... ahh, very difficult and confusing all this is.
I was looking at my past blogs/postings, realizing the experience was somewhat analogous to looking at oneself in the mirror, and for the first time noting how different the person, namely yourself, have become.
You, the reflection, may use your fists and body to attempt to break the glass. You scream out names and things that were meaningful to you at some stage of your past. But, it all gets filtered, as if an invisible stream of waves that are of the direct conjugate nature seeps out of you-the one in reality, standing, paralyzed and fascinated by these amusing gestures and extremely loud silences... simply observes inside a very difference silence. Then, not understanding, you who's not caged in by some glass surface, some metal, some paint that reflects the truths only, turns away and walks out, thinking only to come back when the mood calls for the same entertainment.
Reading about my past self has become that type of entertainment to me... I really should be sleeping, or studying. Reality has me changed. I changed myself, so to adapt to an ideal place that is more realistic than any other place that I have been -- in the sense that you must have a purpose, and you must be constantly grasping what's needed to be done for that purpose, and if you stop, you will... Fail.
I will go to sleep now, but I think I shall be writing here once again-in the very near future.
that's the way to describe it. i'm on an emotional roller coaster this week. i'm not sure if i could deal with this for much longer. i need... more sleep... good sleep... and... i need you. you from the past. you from the present. you who be there... eternally. though... i know for a fact that... you will not be there for me.
